Am I Being An Asshole? Or Criminally Naive?

Marriage has been on my mind lately and I've been seeing some discussions of divorce.

There's a feeling today, that to disapprove of divorce is a terrible, oppressive thing to do.

I'm all for the legality of divorce and utilizing divorce when a marriage is abusive (of course!) in any way or simply terminally unhappy or someone falls seriously and terribly in love with someone else. Go for it. People should be happy.

Yet.

How can there not be a moral disapproval dimension to divorce unless we assign no value to marriage?

A marriage happens when you make a promise to someone else. You promise them forever. And usually, you promise it in front of your friends and family and a representative of the state, you ask them to witness your promise and support it. Then you go around telling everyone you meet that you've made this promise to this person ("This is my husband") and expecting them to treat you and your spouse as if they believe you will keep that promise.

If you get divorced, you lied. You made a mistake, you should never have made that promise, that commitment. This doesn't mean you should be ostracized from society, or made to feel badly for the rest of your life. Doubtlessly you've suffered far more for this mistake then society or any bystanders. However, it is a moral failing. You did fuck up. Society gets to think that.


I'm all for making time limited contracts ("I commit to you for the next five years") or maybe contracts with different terms ("I promise to be good to you for as long as we are together"). However unless we get rid of the promise of forever, I don't see how getting rid of the disapproval of divorce makes any sense. The promises of marriage are borderline insane, and everyone who makes them should damn well realize it.